More of Maximizing My Assets

So, I may have reached an all time low.  Or, perhaps I've figured out the secret that every woman should know.

If you are trying to fit into a dress that just needs a little bit more room you don't need to diet.  Don't juice cleanse.  Just learn from this modern day tale.

Once upon a time I had a gorgeous sweater dress to wear.  The dress was just a wee bit clingy.  Who am I kidding?  It was totally clingy.  So, I decided to call in reinforcements, my favorite friends Spanx and Assets.  Yep, both of them.

To achieve the desired look I wore Spanx (the kind that go from below the bust to mid thigh) with Assets slimming tights (basically with 'control top' also starting below the bust and going to mid thigh) over them.  This was double duty.  Now, if anyone had seen me in these undergarments they would have had a good laugh!

I looked like a hybrid scuba instructor cyclist who favored black over the colorful uniforms that most road bikers sport.

But what really mattered is that to the general public I think I looked Pretty. Darn. Good. Received a few compliments in fact. 

People I hadn't seen in months told me how great I looked.  Asked if I had lost weight.  I had not lost a pound. Just stuffed myself into two slimmers. So, I just smiled and said thank you and mentally praised Spanx and Assets for doing their job.

Thank you, Spanx.  Thank you, Assets.  Thank you for slimming me into a smaller size!  I felt smaller, svelter, slimmer.  And sometimes it felt like it was hard to breathe but whatever...I looked good!  And felt lovely in my clingy sweater dress.  Hallelujah!

Just Plane Inappropriate (3rd edition)

If you are joining us for the first time..welcome and let me give you some background.  I travel for work.  Fairly often.  Not all the time.  But, often enough that I've seen some crazy things. 

One of my biggest pet peeves is people who take their shoes off on the plane. 

I was telling my boss about this the other day and he acknowledged the he will go sans shoes on International flights.  That gets a pass.  They give you booties to cover your feet.

Domestic flights keep your shoes on.

Anyway, here's another pet peeve, people who eat weird, smelly or sloppy things on the plane.

So, the other day, we're in flight.  I look over and there is a man sitting there with his work spread out across his tray table.  He is working diligently.  Scribbling feverishly.  He must have really had some good thoughts burning through him.  Then he paused.  Reached into his lap and pulled out a bag of cereal.

No, not a baggie.  Not a ziploc.  The bag.  That he removed from the standard size box of cereal.

The bag was nearly empty.  There was probably enough in the bag for a kids size bowl of cereal.  I couldn't believe he was going to stick his hand in that bag and snack on handfuls of cereal during our flight.  Seriously? 

So, he unrolled the top of the bag, positioned the bag to funnel the corner and leaned his head back.  Opened his mouth as wide as it could go, lifted the bag upside down above his head and dumped in some cereal.

I was dumbfounded.  So much so that I paused mid-conversation and shook my head.  Then he started scribbling his notes again.

He repeated this two or three times until he got every last crumb of cereal out of that bag.  It was one of the funniest and oddest things I've seen someone eat on the plane.  A grown man.  Graying beard and all. In 20D.  Dumping cereal in his mouth.  I hope he got all of the crumbs out of his beard.